I went to a meeting with a new program in the community program that Alex participates during the school year and during the Summer. And this new program called IMPACT which will connect me with different therapies and different programs including Michelle P. Waiver (if you don't know what or who Michelle P. Waiver was, google it) .
We were discussing how I "deal" and "cope" with Alex, and he mentioned something interesting, that I think people don't understand. He said that most parents of children with autism, the most difficult part that they go through is "not having an emotional connection" with their child. ???? what? Yes, Alex lacks basic understanding of emotions, he doesn't understand why your crying, he doesn't get basic humor, he will never understand sarcasm (poor me), but just because he doesn't understand it, doesn't know he doesn't feel it.
Everyone expresses emotions in different ways, so do they. And it sooo ironic to me that I have a child like Alex. I grew up, basically trying to shut down human emotion because it was better that way, logic was better than feeling the disinfection that was going on around me. (I had a difficult childhood) It was better to separate emotion from every day living... and trust me I accomplished it, in fact if it wasn't for my brother, i truely would have no idea how i would have dealt with everything... hopefully he won't read this cause he'll gloat...lol so its easy for me to separate emotions from my daily life, and its so IRONIC that I have a child like Alex, he naturally does what I learned to do lol and I connect with him because I know that in his head, things don't work in an emotional level.
I have an emotional connection with my child, it might one sided lol but every morning Alex comes to my bed so he could snuggle with me, that's my emotional connection, I take my emotional need from stuff like that and it takes me closer to him. I don't struggle with the emotional side, because I take what I need from moments like that, and thats it, take what you can get. I know he loves me, I know he cares, but he can't tell me, but i am sure as hell he lets me know with actions like that.
Basically the moral of the story kids is, that you have to understand your kids, somehow, get inside their heads and get to know them, its hard as hell when they can't speak, but they show you if ask the right way.